Share The Load

One of the many things I have discovered along my healing journey is that we are not truly individuals.  We are all connected at a very deep level.  We are all unique creations, but at the very core we are the same.  You can call it whatever you want, but I believe it is our spirit, given to us by our creator - God.  I feel that when we start out in life that spirit within us shines so brightly...then with the trials, pain, disappointments that come with life that light diminishes, and so does any belief we may (or may not) have that there is a "good" God out there.  This also effects our souls.  (I see our spirit as the very essence of life - the same for all of us, and our soul as a more individual extension of ourselves.)  I don't want to get too deep or complicated with this, but I think our spirit flows throughout our bodies and actually out into the world.  If you know anything about how acupuncture works, it kind of makes sense.  I believe that each one of our spirits impact the people around us.  Have you ever been in a really good mood and then had someone suck that right out of you...sometimes without them even saying a word?  Thankfully I have also had the opposite experience where I was feeling really down, but one of those naturally glowing people showed up and turned it around, just like that.  Maybe it's just me...maybe I am just an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person...yes, this is a REAL condition!  LOL! - check it out: http://www.hsperson.com)  I would argue that we all are to a certain extent.  When I started writing this post the word "humanity" came to mind, so I had to look up an exact definition.  I found this, "humanity = human beings collectively."  We are one.  What happens to one happens to all, in a sense.

Ok, now for the original idea for this post...other people's pain and suffering.  I have found that there are typically two responses to another person's struggles...one being, "I have been there/felt that before," and the other being something like, "Lord, I pray I never have to face something like that."  Before I technically "got sick," I was always very focused on my health.  I would literally think to myself, "I can handle anything as long as I have my health...I've just got to have my health."  I almost set myself up to crumble if something were to shake my health.  Well, God never promised that life would be easy, but He did promise that He would always be with us.  He never forsakes us.  "REALLY?!" you might say.  God being there for us and loving us does not always mean our problems just go away.  It means that we will have what we need to get through.  Many times that comes in the form of other people, placed in our lives for a reason.  We ourselves are also placed in the lives of others for a reason, and we should never underestimate our own importance.  As I mentioned above, I believe we all have the Spirit of God inside of us, and that makes us more than capable...and also responsible.

As Mark Nepo writes so eloquently in part of his poem "The Way Under The Way":

"It doesn’t matter how we come
to this. We may jump to it or be
worn to it. Because of great pain.
Or a sudden raw feeling that this
is all very real. It may happen in a
parking lot when we break the eggs
in the rain. Or watching each other
in our grief.

But here we will come. With very
little left in the way.

When we meet like this, I may not
have the words, so let me say it now:
Nothing compares to the sensation
of being alive in the company of
another. It is God breathing on
the embers of our soul.

Stripped of causes and plans
and things to strive for,
I have discovered everything
I could need or ask for
is right here—
in flawed abundance.

We cannot eliminate hunger,
but we can feed each other.
We cannot eliminate loneliness,
but we can hold each other.
We cannot eliminate pain,
but we can live a life
of compassion."

No matter how good someone looks on the outside, we all have "something."  In my discomfort and frustration the other day I was whining to my husband about the fact that as long as you have your health you can improve any other issue you might have in life...you can work to make it better.  It was like I was wanting to "trade" my issue for something else.  He just reminded me that this is "our thing" and that everyone has something.  Thankfully we don't worry about where our next meal is going to come from, we have a comfortable home and utilities, we don't struggle with addictions, we have safe surroundings, we are a loving family unit...  The list is endless of issues we don't have, but sometimes it is all too easy to focus on the issue you do have...and think it is the worst one.  However, not a day goes by that I am not reminded that there are so many out there in far worse situations than I am in.  That makes me grateful, and it makes me want to be a comfort to those people.

Tragedies, though times, struggles, suffering either break you wide open or lock you up tight.  If you can allow it to open you up, you just might find even a small ray of purpose in it - compassion and love for others.  You then have the tools to walk someone else through it, and there is no greater gift you can give.  There is no greater purpose or role than loving and caring for others.  It is the very meaning of life.  No matter what you are going through, just try to go beyond yourself.  I have really learned this one from being a parent.  Even when I feel awful (ok, maybe not my very worst days), I try to put it aside and be happy and enthusiastic for my son.  Actually sometimes I think that is one of the reasons he was put here...to keep me going.  It has to be about more than yourself.  That doesn't mean you have to be a parent to get it.  It can be about your elderly Aunt who lives alone, that animal you adopt, a poor person you pass frequently, someone who is sick, or someone who has lost a loved one.  The gesture doesn't have to be grand or expensive...it can be a visit, a phone call, a note in the mail, a hug, sharing a warm meal, doing a chore, holding a hand.  Be a blessing to someone.  I believe we are put here to do for God what He cannot be down here on earth physically doing Himself.  As unfortunate as pain and suffering is, it makes us more qualified for the job.

A Hurting World

I usually try to steer clear of controversial topics, but I have been thinking about this one a lot lately, and I feel the need to share my point of view (which everyone is entitled to).  I am not trying to be offensive, or say that I am right or have all of the answers.  Ok, here it goes...

In light of the recent tragedy in our country it is understandable that attention has turned back to gun laws.  It makes perfect sense that people are afraid…especially those who have never been around guns that are used for fun/sport and used safely and responsibly.  Many people can only equate guns with violence, crime, and death.  I totally get that.  Our point of view comes from our personal experiences in life.

I know it seems logical that stricter gun laws would equal a decline in gun related violence.  I have thought about that possibility myself.  After thinking it over for a while I drew this conclusion…it is possible that gun related crimes might actually increase.  I think we would be surprised to know how many criminals thought twice about, and didn't follow through with, a crime they had hoped to commit in an area where it was possible that their victim(s) owned guns and could defend themselves.  In other words...the possibility that death could be the result of their actions stopped them from committing the crime.  (Of course this probably doesn't apply to people who have just "lost it" and go on some sort of rampage, but they will hurt people any way they can.)

People are fooling themselves if they think gun bans are going to solve the problem.  The criminals will still be able to get their hands on guns, but the difference will be that innocent people will no longer be able to enjoy their sport, and even worse they will not be able to defend themselves, their families, their homes.  If you don't live in "the middle of nowhere" you couldn't possibly understand that it can take police much more than a few precious minutes to come to your aid.  Let me repeat...the criminals will still have access to guns no matter what the laws!  Just think of other things that are illegal.

There are tons of potentially harmful things out there that we could think about enforcing stricter laws around.  Maybe start with banning or censoring the internet because it teaches people how to make bombs and do all other sorts of violent and destructive things?  That sounds crazy to some people.  Lots of people drink, do drugs, text AND drive (and hurt or kill others), but we have yet to do away with cars.  Some won't see the connection here.  I just think we want to be careful about what we say we want to start putting such limitations on, because we can't just pick and choose.  Rights and freedoms can slowly be chipped away at one by one until we no longer have the "freedom" that we are so fortunate to have here in the United States of America.  It is a slippery slope.  It also instills that extremely anger-producing lesson that the innocent pay for what the rule-breakers do.  Ever have to stay in from recess because one kid in your class acted up and ruined it for everyone?!  Not only is it completely unfair, but it produces rage in the innocent and creates an even further division in society.

So why write about this on my "positivity only" blog about "Embracing Your Grace?!"  Let's face it.  This is a people problem, not a gun or weapon problem.  We need to start with the basics like people giving their children love, attention, guidance, etc.  If people don't know how to provide a life like that for their children, because they came from messed-up homes, abuse, poverty, and/or other issues, then we as a society need to get them the help they need to turn things around.  We need to learn to truly care about someone other than ourselves and treat others the way we want to be treated.  It seems simple enough, but it seems to be somewhat lost in our current world.  It is easy to find an object to blame and hate, because that makes us feel better.  It makes us feel like we can do something about it.  We have to keep in mind that if it's not guns, then it's bombs, knives, poison…you get the picture.  Until we get to the root of the problem - too many hurting people in our world - we will be in an endless race to get rid of "things" that can hurt us.  I think it says a lot about our society when an authority figure has to put a limit on soft drink sizes.  We don't even have the control to stop ourselves from harming ourselves!  It is a form of self-medicating, because we are HURTING...we are missing something.  The issue is much bigger than guns, and we need to start dealing with it accordingly.  We can start with being kind to one another.  Just my opinion.

You Are Not Alone

Once again...I have spent a little time away from blogging...  It was needed.  Unfortunately I have not been feeling that great, and I am trying to listen to my body and reign back in the things that I can.  (I am sure that swallowing glass - don't ask me from where - last night didn't help!  LOL!)  Though it is late, and I should be sleeping, I am moved to post tonight.  Not just for myself, but hopefully for others out there.  Tonight I listened to someone talking about a time of great suffering in their life.  They were battling cancer, and they were completely alone.  Every time someone suggested, "Well, what about a friend, or this person, or that person?"  They simply kept shaking their head and saying, "NO!  I had no one.  I had decisions to make, and appointments to go to...  I did it all by myself."  Then some of us asked if people were even aware of what she was going to.  She stopped...thought for a moment...she wasn't sure, or she guessed not.  Then I tried to delicately explain that sometimes we restrict ourselves from receiving support.  Sometimes we just need to take down our walls and reach out for it.  I know it is easier said than done...especially if you are a very private or introverted person, but the fact of the matter is that we all need support at one time or another.  My heart broke as she recounted the pit she was in, and the fact that she had no one to lean on.  She didn't even feel that God was there.  I just couldn't wrap my mind around it.  How does someone come into this world and at some point end up with no one?!  Unfortunately it does happen.

I came home and immediately checked on my son in bed and gave him a kiss.  Then I hugged my husband and told him how very much I appreciate all of his love and support.  For all of the differences we have with people in our lives, the annoyances, the ups and downs, THEY ARE THERE!  With all that I have been through this year, my mind can't even go to a place where I come home to an empty house, or I couldn't even come up with a person to call on the phone.  Even on the nights I am sitting up "alone," I know that if something unbearable were to happen, there is someone right next to me (or in the other room if he's snoring!  LOL!) who would jump up, care for me, and make sure I got the help I needed.

I guess this post is my plea to YOU.  PLEASE pray for those in the world who truly have no one.  No one to shoulder the burden with, and no one to share the joys with.  Then I would ask you to open yourself up to being a "someone" for someone like that.  Just check in on them periodically, offer to take them somewhere, let them know that someone is thinking about them and cares.  (I remember sitting at a table of "senior citizens" braiding palms for Palm Sunday, and they were talking about how many of their friends were discovered passed away only because their newspapers had built up outside their door - how sad!)  I know, I know...our lives are so busy, and other excuses...  Be thankful that your life is filled with things to do and people to see!  I am not sure there is anything more sad than feeling lonely.  Do your part to absorb the loneliness factor in this world.  Let's sop it up until it's all gone!  Oh, and if you ever find yourself with no one, PLEASE reach out into the world around you, because I guarantee someone cares and wants to be there for YOU!  Tonight I am sending lots of love out to everyone who needs someone.

Reconnect and Recharge

So I can be a bit of a see-saw when it comes to my general opinion of "people."  Some days I feel all doom and gloom and decide that humanity has gone downhill, and there is no hope other than Jesus showing up to wipe everything out and start over (or whatever the plan is).  Dramatic, huh?  It's usually when it feels like everyone is cutting me off while I am out and about, or someone bumps into me and doesn't say "excuse me"...those sorts of things.  Forget about watching or reading the news...all they report is the negative, so of course I walk away feeling hopeless and afraid!  Then there are days when I see people doing wonderful, selfless things for others and my faith in humankind is restored.  A stranger will make eye contact, smile, and say "hi."  That makes my day!

When I take stock of my life I would say that overall I am definitely a people person.  From the time I was little I loved visiting with anyone and everyone...though, there was something extra special about older/elderly people.  I could sit forever and listen to stories about the "good old days."  When my family lived in New York, around my Dad's huge Italian family, we had big, loud, festive gatherings - especially around holidays - and that is when I was in my glory.  Then we moved to Vermont, where my mom is from...more good times with a large family, just a little quieter.  I am quite a bit younger than most of my cousins on my mom's side, so it was always fun to tag along with them, have them take care of me, ride in their cars, have sleep-overs at their houses.  Then when they had kids, more excitement.  Good times!

I had good friends at school, Brownies, gymnastics...BEST friends at dance, etc.  After moving from New York living in the "middle of nowhere" wasn't exactly ideal for my social side, but getting into dance really saved me in that sense.

Then I went to college!  'Nuff said.  Pure joy, pure happiness.  That is when I really started living the philosophy "I will talk to anyone."  Just ask my best friends...we couldn't make a simple trip to the dining hall without me talking to every cleaning person and cafeteria staff member on the way.  (Let me just point out that it is a quality I grew up loathing about my father...you couldn't go anywhere with him without it taking quadruple the time it should have for the same reason.)  I just found people and their unique stories so interesting.  I saw beauty and value in so many new and exciting faces.  I have to admit that my college experience was way more about the socializing than the academics.  Oh well.  Going back I wouldn't change a thing, because everything has ended up just fine for me.  I would say that if I could go back knowing what I know now, I would be a little more focused and driven as far as the school work.  On the other hand, I did focus on the most important part...people.  When I leave this world my GPA really won't matter, or the jobs I had or didn’t have, but the memories and beloved friends are forever.

After graduating (very sad for me) my hope was to find a job that had something to do with journalism or publishing.  Um...I soon realized (especially after moving to N.Y.C.) that I couldn't live on the salary or take the time to climb that very steep ladder.  First, I unexpectedly ended up working in career development at Tuck (Dartmouth's MBA school).  BEST.JOB.EVER!  My co-workers were wonderful, and I adored the students.  Every year a new group of highly intelligent, interesting, warm students - with a new set of life stories - came in.  People talk about Tuck as a utopia...it kind of is.  It is a very special place.  (Not to mention I met my husband there!)  After that I moved to N.Y.C. and Boston, and had two recruiting positions at two consulting firms.  They were also good jobs, with fun opportunities, and I made great friends from both.  There was one skill that was crucial for all of the jobs I have ever had - you had to really be a people person.

Then fast-forward to motherhood.  It was truly the only position I ever wanted in life, and I knew that from very early on.  I knew I wanted to stay at home with my children if I could.  When you are going into it you never know what to expect.  Becoming a parent means you have to let go of having control of your life.  My son was born with jaundice and then began to lose weight at an alarming rate.  He was so lethargic that he simply could not stay awake to eat.  I was determined to breast feed, so it was all on me.  It was the most stressful time of my life.  Learning he had reflux four months into it...and then at the six month mark figuring out that he couldn't tolerate my eating dairy or soy...brought some improvement, but feedings still took a minimum of an hour each.  My days were spent sitting, feeding, sitting, feeding, sitting, feeding.  I was fine with it, giving my all (and then some) to my child.  Showering was a luxury.  Slowly but surely any personal identity or contact with the outside world slipped away.  Despite words of warning and advice I was head-down, determined to do the best thing for my child no matter what.  Blinders went on to the rest of the world.  I kept dangling a carrot in front of myself thinking, "This will get better soon, and then I will make time to see someone or talk to a friend."  I did that for almost two years.  By that point I forgot I was a people person.  I had gone so far in the opposite direction of what was natural for me, and that was my new norm.

It took my getting sick to realize that I had deprived myself of something that brought me joy, something I needed to thrive.  I also realized that this was not the first time that something like this had happened in my life.  It made me so aware of how much we need each other in life.  As much as we might tell ourselves "I am fine, I don't need anyone," it's simply not true.  We all draw off from one another.  It makes sense that babies who no one pays attention to or holds can actually die.  We NEED each other.  We need validation, we need to know we matter.  We need to be seen, really seen...and listened to and really heard.  Most of all we need to feel loved.

It is easy to let time get away from us, and our busy lives can prevent even our best of intentions from happening.  As I have carved time out to chat with people on Facebook, or send a “hi” via e-mail, I have felt more and more like my "old" self.  I am happy to say that just this week I have reconnected with four special people in my life.  Two were by computer, and two were by phone.  And as I wrote about last night, I made a new connection this week.  Each exchange fed my soul.  It made me feel like I was living meaningfully.  That spark of what it is all about grew inside of me.  I feel it boosting my healing and bringing me great joy and peace.

No matter what you tell yourself, you are needed, too.  Some of us have a hard time feeling good about ourselves, but reaching out to others can remind us that we have great value…that we bring something special to the table.  It is important to nurture and cultivate these connections to make us feel alive.  Do not neglect them or let them wither away.  Finding people who really "get" you, and you have a strong connection with, is a precious gift.  It is the very thing that can get you through the hard times.  It will recharge you for whatever is to come.  Then your inner flame will be fed so your light can shine the way it was meant to!

Want to feel better?  Reach out to an old friend or loved one today!

You too?

Ok, so when I started this blog I wasn't sure how much, if at all, I was going to talk about Lyme Disease.  Tonight I had an experience of being somewhat prompted to share a little more.  From the moment I had an official diagnosis you would not even believe (I am not exaggerating) the number of people I have encountered who either have it themselves, or someone close to them has it.  First of all, I have a handful of cousins with it, my sister-in-law has it, I believe my brother has/had it (his dog has it)...I also think my Dad has it (he has even had the bullseye, but doctors would not treat him), and it is possible that other family members have it.  I have talked to people in my hometown in Vermont with it, our carpenter - his wife has it, our flooring guy - his mother has it, our vent cleaner - his girlfriend has it, our tile guy - his mother has it, my dentist - his sister-in-law has it, my husband's friend, my herbalist and his wife, and the list goes on.  I literally talk to people almost daily who tell me they know someone, or many people who have suffered, or are currently suffering, from Lyme Disease.  My parents are constantly calling with another person they met and talked with about it.

For whatever reason (I won't get into speculation) it is an underground illness.  Many go for extended periods of time not knowing what is wrong, doctors think they are crazy, yada, yada...we all have similar stories.  Most are left to advocate for themselves...hopefully finding one of the few doctors who understand and treat this "phantom," debilitating disease.  The doctors who do treat it say that Lyme patients are some of the sickest people out there, and they are the ones with the least help.  Most of these doctors also do not take insurance because of the liability of treating such a controversial illness.

Tonight I headed off to a church group I had not been to before.  It was a small group, and being the last person to arrive I sat down in the only empty chair at the intimate, oblong table.  The woman to my right was struggling to get a name tag for me, and I immediately noticed her arthritic, knobby hands.  The group discussion took off, and it was clear that most of these people knew each other and felt comfortable speaking whatever came to mind.  I listened and thought if the floor opened up I was happy to speak my opinion or thoughts, but there was no lull in the flow of conversation.  The topic was prayer, and there was a booklet and Bible passages that went along with it.  Toward the end of the evening one of the final questions was around a time that you put a struggle or difficulty in front of God and just completely gave it over to Him...trusting His will to be done.  SILENCE.  No one said anything.  I looked around.  Nothing.  Then it just came out, "I will share."  I just explained that I have been very sick over the last year, and that at some point in the last month or two I grew tired...  Tired of struggling, trying so hard to find answers, to get better...tired of this illness/awful thing consuming my every day, most of my thoughts.  One day I just said, "God, I am tired.  I can't carry this anymore.  I am giving it to You, for Your will to be done."  I basically just asked for the strength to keep going, to get through it.  I had spent so much time begging for relief, for a miracle...little by little things have improved, but when I let it go, handed it over, things really shifted for me.  It was like a weight was lifted.  Don't get me wrong, I still worry and sometimes revert back to the way I was handling things before, but something has fundamentally changed for me.  It doesn't mean my symptoms are gone, or I am healed, but I am having a different experience with it.

Anyway...everyone was so kind in thanking me for sharing so openly.  For some reason it just came so naturally and was so easy.  That is not who I have always been, but it is definitely who I have become.  At the end of the night as we were packing up our things the woman to my right turned to me with the most heartfelt appreciation for what I had said.  She told me that she has been struggling with the same exact feelings around her illnesses - Rheumatoid Arthritis and Lupus.  I talked to her and probed about her symptoms, her treatment.  She said that doctors and medicine haven't really been able to help her.  She looked so defeated, so exhausted, so skinny and sick.  I told her about Lyme, and she has felt that could be at the root of her problems, but her doctors refuse to test her for it saying the usual, "there is no such thing as Chronic Lyme."  She has presented them with symptoms and been told, "We have never heard of such symptoms, that's not possible."  She was starting to believe them!  I looked her in the eye and said, "Don't ever let a doctor tell YOU how you are feeling."  I gave her as much information as I could at that point, and I said, "I am going to help you."  I gave her my phone number and e-mail address and told her to contact me anytime.  I saw hope spark in her eyes, and the most beautiful, radiant smile.  She hugged me and told me I was a God-send.  My heart and soul were filled with joy.

My point is this: we all have a story.  Your gift to the world is to share it.  We all have common threads, and when brought together they create hope and love.  We are so conditioned to hold our cards close to our chest, but we need to realize that there is nothing to hide, nothing to be embarrassed about.  There are MANY out there with the same exact story as yours.  When we share we all feel more human, more alive, more hopeful.  I have been so touched by the number of people who have reached out to me in the last year to tell me what they have been through and offer support.  It has been a real lifeline for me.  Now it is my turn to be that lifeline for someone else.  Put yourself out there.  It will benefit you and the world!

Probiotics Are A MUST!

This will have to be a quick one tonight since it is late - and we have our wireless on a timer so it shuts off at 11:00PM (it is good to reduce your exposure to EMFs as much as possible...shut off that cell phone, or at least put it on airplane mode as much as possible - definitely during sleep, because it messes with your natural rhythms/health.)  Anyway...back to the topic: PROBIOTICS!

If there is one piece of health advice (at least as far as products go) that I hope EVERYONE will take away from this blog it is taking a probiotic.  Probiotic literally means pro-life!  That's a good thing!  We are exposed to things that mess with our intestinal flora on a daily basis.  Even if you eat food that you prepare yourself, there are microscopic parasites that you just can't avoid.  Ever play out in the dirt?  Have/kiss/snuggle with a pet?  Travel to a foreign country?  Yup, then you've got parasites.  Not a fun thing to think about, I know!  In a perfectly healthy body, it shouldn't cause a problem.  When your body is run-down, and your immune system is compromised (think mono, auto-immune diseases, etc.) the parasites have a chance to get the upper hand.  It is especially a problem for those of us missing our appendix.  Surprise, you actually DO need it, and it does serve a purpose!  The appendix is the safe place/factory for good bacteria to be created and then populate the intestines.  Without it, there are fewer "good guys" than "bad guys."  This is a problem!  Trust me, I know from experience...a lot of pain and 20lbs. gone later...  Also, the bacteria that can take over your gut can then cause such a problem that it gets into other areas of your body and take them down as well (I will get into this in a future post.)  So many things can alter your intestinal flora, not just parasites - antibiotic use (that's why yogurt is suggested when you have to take them), too much sugar in your diet, etc.

Some ridiculously high percentage of your immune system is housed in your gut, so you want to keep it healthy and up and running at optimum levels.  When your digestive system is off track and your flora are out of balance, you have no idea the numerous negative effects that can have on overall health (and I won't bore/scare/gross you out with the details - you can look it up).  It is all connected!

Quickly, some brands I suggest are:
1. Renew Life (I use the 50 Billion Critical Care)
2. Dr. Ohhira's
3. Theramedix PBC and PB8
(I have also heard that Jarrow has some good products)

You can get most on Amazon if you can't find them locally...usually cheaper, too.

Some tips about probiotics:
- A lot of probiotics never even reach your intestines (where they need to be) because of the acid/juices they have to get through on the way. A good way to help with this is by taking them with warm, lemon or lime water. (I know that seems acidic, but it actually acts as a buffer). The absolute best way to take them is first thing in the morning (an hour before you eat), and/or last thing in the evening (an hour after you are done eating for the day). At least make sure you take them away from food (an hour on both ends).

- If you can, it is important to switch your probiotic every once in a while (like when you run out, or every 2-3 months). They are all a little different, so this helps you get a well-rounded repopulation.  If you want to tip-toe into giving yourself a probiotic boost, first try organic yogurt and/or kefir.  For those with dairy sensitivities there are coconut/almond/goat's milk alternatives.  Kefir and other cultured products are particularly beneficial.

There is so much to say about probiotics, but these are the basics to get you off to a good start!  Here's to some healthy pill popping!

Product Review - Herbal Animals

I thought I would lighten things up a bit with a little product review.  I know I have mentioned that all of my healthcare providers keep stressing that SLEEP is THE MOST IMPORTANT key to my healing process.  I know it is true, but it continues to be something I struggle with.  For one, the Lyme has really messed with my thyroid, hormones, adrenals, etc...hence causing crazy sleep habits.  Another issue is what my hypnotherapist calls "Mommy Syndrome."  It's when you finally reach the end of the day...everyone else is in bed (and staying put), everything is cleaned up and put away, and what's that sound?!  SILENCE!  It is that time that you want to relish...put your feet up, watch a show, open a book...but it is already 10PM!  It is hard to give up that little slice of beautiful "me time" to do whatever you want for yourself, but as I am reminded: SLEEP IS MORE IMPORTANT!

I have tried lots of different things in the last year, for many different issues.  As far as sleep goes I have tried melatonin...it gave me an upset stomach.  Docs wanted to put me on sleep pills...no thanks.  I tried sleep teas, but they seemed to hype me up more.  Then I came across Herbal Animals.  I was immediately impressed by the fact that they are made from 100% certified organically grown herbs, seeds, and cotton...and made in the USA.  When I first found them I thought, "how cute" for my 3-year-old son (who happens to have some sleep issues, too!)  I planned to get him a bunny for his Easter basket, and a dolphin to go with his ocean-themed room.  Then I thought...hey, why not get a few more?!  I got one for myself and one for each of my parents.

I purchased the eye pillows (they also make neck pillows), which when placed on your eyes put pressure on just the right points to bring relaxation.  We sleep with them in our beds, and my son knows that when he can't sleep he just needs to squeeze his little herbal buddy to activate the herbs.  They smell great, and I really do believe in the power of herbs.  My family and friends now call me a "hippie," which is fine with me.  I feel strongly that we all need to get back to a more natural way of living, healing, and managing whatever issues arise.

Herbal Animals make great gifts, or a fun treat for yourself...at any age!  They are adorable, and I assure you that you will get a kick out of their creative names.  For instance, mine is "Mary Tiger Moore."  I chose her specifically for her herbal combination, but she is also too cute!  If you don't know much about what each herb is most beneficial for, each critter has a description on the site to give you some guidance.  Check it out...it is something unique and beneficial, and it is a company I feel great about supporting.  They donate to Feed the Children, The Humane Society, and Save the Children - all wonderful causes!  They are also super sweet - they sent me a free t-shirt and a thank-you note for my order.  Herbal Animals have brought sweeter dreams to our house...and lots of smiles, too!

Herbal Animals website: http://www.herbal-animals.com/

SSS #3 - Just Wait

As I have probably mentioned before...I LOVE music!  I mean REALLY LOVE it!  It is one of my "things" in life.  Before I became a mom a lot of my free time was spent at concerts.  I can't even count or name all of the performances I have been privileged enough to attend.  It was a bit of an obsession...joining fan clubs, using tactics to nab the closest seats possible...  Let's just say that I have sat at Dave Matthews' feet and met Brad Paisley many times (to name the first few experiences that came to mind).  I have been very blessed when it comes to amazing musical experiences.  Last week I was getting a detox bath ready when I thought, "What am I going to listen to today?"  I decided to take myself back a ways and put on the Blues Traveler's "Four" album.  It is crazy how just hearing the first notes took me back to around my Freshmen year in high school.  The other thing that blows me away is how the same lyrics can have just as much meaning, years later, in a totally different way.  You evolve, the song stays exactly the same, but it still applies.

What I love about this song in particular is that it reminds me of something very important.  Patience in life is crucial.  Most of us just don't want to deal with it.  Especially when going through something difficult or painful.  We live in a world where we can get access to most of what we want the minute we want it, or at least that is how we think it should be.  That definitely has not built our characters to be good at waiting.

I remember almost a year ago when out of desperation I decided to try an extremely restricted diet to see if that would help my "mystery" illness.  The website I was following most closely suggested that you had to stay at that level of the diet for 4-6 weeks minimum.  I counted the weeks on my calendar, and I remember thinking, "Well, that will be the whole summer."  At the beginning each day felt like an eternity.  The pain I was in, the fear, the sleep deprivation...some days I didn't think I could make it through another day in the state I was in.  I remember a while later talking on the phone with another person who had Lyme, and she said to me, "Give it time, and I really do believe you will get better."  I hoped and prayed that she was right.  When I look back over the last year, it has been a very long and hard one, but time has definitely brought great healing and progress.  I am proud to say that I am still maintaining the diet, too...4-6 months was nothing!  HA!  (No, it is not fun or easy, but I am doing it!)

Many of our hurts in life just need patience and time.  It is not always easy, but it is so necessary.  Time can also give you a much greater perspective...not everything needs to be wrapped up and signed off on immediately.  When we rush things sometimes we end up regretting the decisions we made or the way we handled a situation.  Plus, the world needs more patience in it.  Every night I pray that God helps all of us be more patient and kind with one another...that would go a long way in making life so much better for everyone.

Back to the song...  It is perfect for what I have been going through, so I know it will be for so many others as well.  Whether it is your health, a relationship, a job, everything!  I care, and I hope and pray that  you have the strength to do the best you can and wait it out.  YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT!  And you will be better on the other side of it.  Just wait!

Just Wait

(Blues Traveler)

If ever you are feeling like you’re tired

And all your uphill struggles leave you headed downhill

If you realize your wildest dreams can hurt you

And your appetite for pain has drinken its fill

I ask of you a very simple question

Did you think for one minute that you are alone

And is your suffering a privilege you share only

Or did you think that everybody else feels completely at home

Just wait

Just wait

Just wait

And it will come

If you think I’ve given up on you you’re crazy

And if you think I don’t love you well then you’re just wrong

In time you just might take to feeling better

Time is the beauty of the road being long

I know that now you feel no consolation

But maybe if I told you and informed you out loud

I say this without fear of hesitation

I can honestly tell you that you make me proud

Just wait

Just wait

Just wait

And it will come

Just wait

Just wait

Just wait

And it will come

If anything I might have just said has helped you

If anything I might have just said helped you just carry on

Your rise uphill may no longer seem a struggle

And your appetite for pain may all but be gone

I hope for you and cannot stop at hoping

Until that smile has once again returned to your face

There’s no such thing as a failure who keeps trying

Coasting to the bottom is the only disgrace

Just wait

Just wait

Just wait

And it will come

Just wait

Just wait

Just wait

And it will come

Just wait

Just wait

Just wait

And it will come

http://youtu.be/QBuJG3FqfV4

When In Doubt, Throw It Out!

I started saying that to myself a lot in the last year..."when in doubt, throw it out."  It seems like I have really embraced the opportunity to clean up many aspects of my life.  As with anything it is a work in progress.  Anyone who knows me knows that I like to keep things...hang on to them...  It is usually for sentimental reasons, or in the words so often used by my father, "I might need that someday."  Really?!  That napkin from the cupcake shop I visited 8 years ago with friends, or that cork coaster I picked up from some recruiting event, or that People magazine from 5 years ago with my favorite singer on the cover...  In reality they all end up in a PILE.  Then that pile gets moved around from one room to the other, from one drawer to anther, from one closet to another, etc...until it ends up in the never-to-be-seen-again attic or garage.  (Just ask my mother who anytime she asked me to clean my room would end up with another garbage bag of "stuff" in her attic...she is still suffering from the aftermath of that!)  UGH!  I finally just became fed up with it.  Enough!  It would be one thing if I was organized and motivated enough to be a scrapbooker, or something.  I would love that!  Then each book could have its neat little place on a shelf, and I could easily walk down memory lane any time I wanted.  That is who I want to be, but...not going to happen at this point (for now at least).  Coming to terms with that fact I decided to purge!  It started with my clothes and shoes.  I donated a ton of things that I would realistically never put on again...and frankly I was sick of seeing them hanging around.  Then I just got better at weeding through things here and there...getting on kicks with certain areas every once in a while.  Like the pantry that has seriously expired items and things I simply can't eat or use anymore, the refrigerator with birth announcements of kids that are now in kindergarten, etc. (ok, that might be a slight exaggeration.)

My latest thing is TOXIC products!  A long time ago we switched over to all green/eco friendly cleaning products, but I still had remnants of the old, toxic stuff lurking about.  I went through our laundry room, every bathroom cabinet/drawer/closet, and all the other nooks.  I found lots of stuff that, looking back, I can't believe I ever bought.  Then I went through my cosmetics...that made me feel even worse!  Out went all the old nail polish...I shuddered thinking about the years I spent with that stuff on 24/7!  The body lotions with the mile-long ingredient list of things I can't pronounce, that the biggest organ I have was drinking up daily.  The perfumes that now cause me to feel nauseous and lightheaded.  YUCK!  Sure all of these thoughts make me feel super old and uptight, but mostly I am grateful for my growing awareness.  I am not saying all of this to make anyone feel judged for the products they use, but I am putting it out there to inform.  I am also not trying to ruin anyone's fun (especially as far as beauty products go).  If you think about it, read about it, and keep things the same, that is your decision to make and I understand.  I know that cost can also be a factor, but you might be surprised by the reasonable options out there.  You can make one or two changes that will make a huge impact on your health.

Back in my younger days I didn't really think much about this stuff, because I was more focused on looking good and having fun!  Then things started to change when I decided I wanted to be a mom.  Since then I have done more and more research and have been able to make better choices for myself and for my family.  Since getting sick I have really put this priority front and center.  I am always psyched to see the impact it has on the people I love, too.  My mom's bathroom closet looks a lot different now, and my husband has switched a lot of his personal care items.  You don't have to cut everything out of your life, but you can make smarter selections.  If you really want to wear nail polish you could try brands like Spa Ritual, Zoya, Scotch, Vapour, etc.  They are still not good for you (don't believe the hype - there is no such thing as a "healthy" nail polish), but they are a better alternative.  Sometimes we are fooled into thinking we are making better choices, and that is where I get upset.  The companies that use the words "natural," "herbal," "healthy," when they are pumping their products full of chemicals are disgusting.  It is called "greenwashing," and it is very misleading.  I remember back in the earlier days when I was trying to make positive changes, and I was lured in by the (new at that time) Jergen's Naturals.  Then I happened onto an article online about the truth of what's really in the lotion, and I felt so duped!  Now I know better, and I want to make sure others do too!

Here are a few tools to help you out.  First of all, if you don't know about the "Environmental Working Group" (EWG) you MUST, MUST, MUST check them out!  I have learned SO MUCH from them!  Go to their website (www.ewg.org) , sign-up for their e-mails, use their databases, and DONATE if you can!  They do amazing work, and I LOVE them!  Below is a link to a document from them about household products.  Please read it!  Another golden nugget is "The Story of Stuff."  You can get lost in their amazing website, too: www.storyofstuff.org.  If nothing else, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE watch this video about cosmetics.  It will change your life...for the GOOD!  I promise.

Soooo...off we went today as a family to the Hazardous Waste Disposal site for our area.  (Please always remember that you have to dispose of these toxins in a safe and responsible manner so you don't contribute to further polluting the earth! - http://earth911.com/)  It should tell you something that by law you are technically required to dispose of nail polish at one of these types of facilities!  It felt really great to get all of that junk out of our home.  Another step to making our lives healthier...saying goodbye to our previously toxic existence and hello to doing the best we can to be healthy in a holistic way.

Going back to what I keep telling you, YOU have the power!  The more you know, the more you grow (remember those commercials?!)...and once again, from MY ;-) Oprah (really from Maya Angelou), "When you know better, you do better."  No one else is going to look out for you, especially not the huge corporations who are making major dollars off from you.  Take care of yourself and your family!  (You can start by reading the document below and watching the video!)

http://static.ewg.org/reports/2012/cleaners_hallofshame/cleaners_hallofshame.pdf

Long Time, No Posts

Well...good thing I had written in my disclaimer that this might just be a fling for me...no promises!  Hahaha!  I guess I know myself too well.  The truth is this...  During the week of Lent I had all of these inspiring ideas that would coincide with some of the messages that go with Lent.  When I got to Good Friday the subject was staring me in the face "Suffering."  I had a few ideas written down, but every time I started to write...delete, delete, delete...  The plan was to be super inspiring and encouraging on the topic of suffering, how it can actually be a positive thing, but when it came down to it I just couldn't do it.  The fact of the matter is that most people don't want to hear it either.  I find that most people suffer in life, somehow, in some way, at some point or even frequently.  I don't really understand why, but I don't think we are meant to, not in this life.  That is just how life on earth is.  We have challenges, and going through them (whether we like it or not) can either knock us down or build us up.  That part is really up to us.  One gift I have received through my trials is that I have realized the power of my own mind.  I might not be able to change whatever difficult thing is plaguing me, but I can decide to look at it differently, think about it differently.  It really does make a difference, and it is empowering.

Another reason for my flat-lined blog is that I am just plain tired.  Tired of trying to juggle too much and keep too many balls in the air.  When I look at it, I don't really accomplish all that much in a day, but sometimes just the basics wear me out.  There are also a lot of blank spaces in my symptoms log, my medicine log, etc...  I am just over thinking about "it" sometimes.  (I am happy to report that I have kept up with my Gratitude Journal!)  I took the time I would have been blogging and instead used our new sauna (great for healing), or did a relaxation exercise, or walked on the treadmill...or just went to bed.  I prioritized what was most important for me.  Most of the time I am not even good at doing that.  I get to the end of many days and still haven't done the minimum of what my "healing team" has suggested.  It is a full-time job.  When I was blogging more regularly (though a brief period of time) it was keeping me up a lot later, and I ended up putting too much pressure on myself.  It went from something fun, with just stream-of-consciousness (easy) writing, to me telling myself that I had to fill it with all sorts of info and "important" stuff from various sources, etc.  I basically ruined it for myself...turning it into something it didn't have to be.  Funny how we can do that to ourselves.  There is that perspective thing again, it needed to shift!

Well, at least I am consistent at being inconsistent!  Story of my life!  I have decided to embrace it instead of beating myself up for it.  It is who I am...I am sure there are all sorts of underlying reasons for it...  I could give all sorts of excuses, but really all I can do is work on it bit by bit, day by day.  Here I am a year after my health took a serious nosedive, and I have proven that I can work hard and make changes.  I am leaps and bounds from where I was a year ago.  I am proud to say a lot of it was through my own motivation and research.  When no doctor would help me I dug deep and found a way.  I can't take all the credit...I believe (being a Christian) that God lit the way for me.  However, the message at church last night was that Christ can knock at your door, but it is up to YOU if you are going to let Him in or not.  It is like that with anything in life, IT IS UP TO YOU!  The thread that runs through this round-about-post is that YOU can do it, or you can chose not to do it.  You have more power than you even know.  Just take it one day, even one moment at a time.  When I "mess up" I know that I can decide to turn it around in that moment.  All is not lost.

Sooooo...again, no promises with all of this.  I will do what I can, when I can.  My husband and I were laughing tonight about all of my "on Fridays I will be writing about X, on Saturdays Y, etc..."  Hahaha!  Oh well!  It was a good idea...maybe at some point.  Just know that I appreciate anyone who has taken the time to read my words!  It means a lot!

Last Supper

What would your "Last Supper" be like?  Who would you invite?  What would you say?  How would you spend the evening?  Most importantly, how would you want to be remembered long after?  Really think about these questions, and maybe even write down your thoughts.  If you are like me you might frequently find yourself saying things like, "I will do X when I feel better," or "I will be better about doing Y when I have more time."  The more we realize how fragile life can be, the more we know that any supper could be our last.  Therefore, we should make a vow to always say what's in our hearts when we have the chance, give an extra hug when you have someone in arm's reach, let someone know they are on your mind and how much they mean to you, find joy in mundane tasks (since you are still here and able to do them).  AND...at the risk of sounding cliche, PLEASE never go to bed, or leave for the day, mad or with an unresolved conflict.  Need a little motivation to stick to that last one?  I often think of the victims of September 11th...they never got to "make things right" or tell someone they loved them at the end of their day.

As you think about what your own "Last Supper" might be like it is important to remember that when we "go" we don't take possessions, job titles, awards, or social status/popularity with us.  The Lent reading for Holy Thursday states, "Do not ask 'Does my life have meaning?  Have I made any difference in the world?'  Those questions speak about accomplishments, which you cannot take with you into the next world."  When we let God's love work through us and we share that love through our actions and good deeds, it causes our soul to grow.  Our soul – the only part of us that will be left and moving on.  That is what we should be focused on developing.  It will be our only representative later, and in so many ways it determines our quality of life now.  I feel that in this life we should care the most about how we have made other people feel.  I know the impact that a kind word, a note, a hug, a laugh have had on me.  I want to be that for others. God is love, and I want to spread that around!

When thinking about who I would invite to my “Last Supper” and what I would say, a chapter in Anthony B. Robinson’s “Common Grace” provided some important reminders.  The section is titled “A Person Is A Person Because Of Other Persons.”  He talks about the path he took in life and all of the family members, friends, neighbors, teachers, colleagues, etc. who shaped him along the way.  When we stand in front of people we are not just standing there as one, single person.  We are a collection of all of the people who have loved us, supported us, and believed in us along the way.  In today’s world we are so encouraged to be individuals and achieve and accomplish for ourselves…and then take all the credit.  It is important to remember who taught you the stories that then guided the unfolding of your own story.  It didn’t just write itself.  Robinson warns, “When we push the notion of individual autonomy to such unquestioned extremes, as is common today, we tend to lose perspective on the truth of interconnectedness.”  My point in all of this is: Don’t wait to thank people for the role they have played in your life, and keep thanking them and loving them.  Then move forward and make sure you help nurture as many other lives as you can.

One last thought…since this post also makes me think of food (what doesn't?!), another thing to think about is giving up something in your life that is really bad for you...cigs are an obvious one, but I mean things like soda, candy (at least anything with dye in it - yes, M&Ms, Skittles, etc.), something you love that has way too many ingredients you can't pronounce.  It has a lot to do with understanding your worth, dusting off your willpower, and having the drive to truly improve your life.  Trust me, you will feel so much better, in so many ways, and it will probably push your "Last Supper" off by a few years!

I'm back...

I'm finally back!  A note from a loved one today nudged me back on here.  The truth is that I have not been feeling great lately.  I have been up so late trying to get through meds and dinner that by the time I would finally have time on the computer I am too tired.  A numb left arm and massive eye floater don't make being on the computer too appealing either!  OH, but GOOD NEWS...we just got a sauna to help with my healing process, so I have also been trying that out at night!  Anyway...wah, wah, wah.  Trying to keep my chin up and keep pushing.  I have some posts that were intended for last week that I will get to sharing...  I have definitely been using one of my favorite therapies a lot lately...MUSIC!  Below are some lyrics that have been keeping me going...  Sending love to all!  Thank you for sticking with me!  XO!

"Bring On The Rain"
JoDee Messina

(Billy Montana/Helen Darling)

Another day has almost come and gone,
Can't imagine what else could go wrong.
Sometimes I'd like to hide away somewhere and lock the door.
A single battle lost but not the war.

'Cause tomorrow's another day,
And I'm thirsty anyway,
So bring on the rain.

It's almost like the hard times circle 'round.
A couple drops and they all start comin down.
Yeah, I might feel defeated,
And I might hang my head,
I might be barely breathing, but I'm not dead, no.

'Cause tomorrow's another day,
And I'm thirsty anyway,
So bring on the rain.

No I'm not gonna let it get me down.
I'm not cry,
And I'm not gonna lose any sleep tonight.

'Cause tomorrow's another day,
And I am not afraid,
So bring on the rain.

Tomorrow's another day,
And I'm thirsty anyway,
So bring on the rain.

No I'm not gonna let get me down,
I'm not gonna cry.
So bring on the rain.

Bring on the rain
Bring on the rain

ForGIVEness

I desperately tried to get this one up over the last couple of nights, but between the fact that I gave up my computer for Lent (with the exception of a little time at night) and church this week, I am way behind!  Plus, I found I had so much to say that I just got overwhelmed!  I hope this all comes together for you and is helpful.  I think it is an extremely important one…maybe the most important one I will write!

ForGIVEness (Intended for Wednesday, 4/4)
To set the tone I just have to start with what I think is one of the most beautiful quotes.  I have recently heard it used many times on the new Oprah network.  I never grow tired of hearing it, and I happily reflect on it at length.  "Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it." - Mark Twain.  Think about that for a bit, come back to it often...

Every single book I have read lately mentions forgiveness.  The major one being The Bible.  As a Christian, this week reminds me of the ultimate sacrifice made for my total and complete forgiveness.  If you turn the television on to any self-help-themed show you will hear "forgiveness" mentioned at some point.  From what I understand it is the key to health and happiness.  If you really listen it makes complete sense...if you hold on to any sort of negative emotion it is bound to do damage.  It is like any wound that does not heal properly.

The first, and most important, part of forgiveness is forgiving yourself.  The past is the past.  You can't change it, no matter how much you dwell on it.  You can only face it, allow yourself to process it, and then move on.  Not so simple, I know.  We cause ourselves unnecessary pain by being too hard on ourselves.  Cut yourself some slack.  We all are human and learning as we go.  Keep in mind that most "mistakes" are essential for our learning and growth.  Self-forgiveness drives healing and wellness in your mind, body, and soul.  Very important!

Once you have worked on forgiving yourself you can move on to forgiving others.  I know this can seem extremely difficult, but it doesn't have to be so.  Maybe framing it this way will help...  Think about the word forGIVE.  It is actually the act of giving yourself a gift, because it sets YOU free.  Oprah recently told a story from her past where she was holding a grudge against an old friend, and it was causing her to have negative thoughts and feelings.  Then one day she happened to see her former friend in the distance, walking down the sidewalk, laughing, heading into a high-end store for some shopping, and she realized that her anger was only hurting herself.  Her old friend seemed to be doing just fine.  Sometimes we convince ourselves that our grudge is somehow punishing the other person, when the truth is that most of the time they have moved on, and we are really just punishing ourselves by living in the past and not being completely present in our own lives.  Just ask yourself what good it is doing you to continue having bad feelings toward another?  In actuality it is just taking you down.

As Joan Borysenko brilliantly puts it in her book, "The Power of the Mind to Heal," "Prior to forgiveness, we are indeed bound to the object of our hate.  Resentment occupies our thoughts and poisons our body/mind.  It is a powerful adversary that keeps us from being fully present in the moment.  As long as we are shackled by hatred or judgement, we cannot claim the power of our mind to heal.  We are prisoners of the past."  She also paints a wonderful picture when referencing Buddha, "The Buddha compared anger to a hot coal that we pick up, intending to throw at someone else, only to be burned ourselves."  Just remember that when your energy is being used to be angry, sad, or afraid, there is less room for happiness, hope, joy, and love, and it compromises our ability to be our best selves.

Sometimes the pain people cause us is not tied to one action, one comment.  Sometimes you need to forgive people for not being what you wanted or needed them to be.  Louise Hay talks about this, too.  This is especially important if you hold a grudge against one or both of your parents.  Some people truly do the best they can with where they have come from.  In Oprah's episode of "Master Class" with Jane Fonda, Jane talked about how hard it was growing up having the mother she did.  Her mother spent a lot of time closed in her room, with the curtains drawn.  She eventually ended up in a mental facility.  One day she showed up with a nurse to pick-up some things, and she called upstairs to Jane and her bother who were playing jax, but neither of them answered or went downstairs.  One of the things her mother had secretly retrieved that day was a razor, which she later killed herself with.  As you can imagine Jane spent a lot of time battling many emotions.  She ended up requesting her mother’s documents, and one day those records arrived.  Jane sat down to look at them…  “Sexual abuse,” they read over and over.  It all clicked, it all made sense…  She was able to process and forgive on so many levels.  She had a piece, an answer, to why her life was the way it was.  She is one of many who suggest getting the complete backstory of your parents’ lives.  It can create a higher understanding and a greater love as well.

So now what?  The first step is feeling that you are willing to forgive.  There are lots of “exercises” you can try ranging from visualizing (eyes closed, peaceful, relaxed environment) the exact moment of hurt, freezing the scene, crumpling it up, and throwing it away.  You can also take a piece of paper and list all of the people you feel hurt by/have a grudge against.  Then next to each one write what you learned and/or how you grew from it.  If you want to take it one step further, write something positive about each person, or something good you hope for their lives.  Then release it.  Let it go.  Another one of my favorites for “getting rid” of anything that is weighing you down is writing your issue on a balloon and releasing it into the sky.  You can also put the balloon on the wall and throw a dart at it.  It is up to you how you dissolve it.

I know we frequently get caught up in thinking that forgiveness means condoning what someone else has done to us, or like it is letting them “off the hook” easily, but I hope this post helps you realize that forgiveness is actually for YOU!  It is freeing, and it is healing…for you, for relationships, for the world.  I will leave you with a wonderful quote from “A Course In Miracles”: “The holiest ground is where an ancient hatred has become a present love.”

Kindness

In so many places in The Bible the message is clear...treat others the way you want to be treated (love others as you love yourself).  As I think back over the years about the people I wasn't the nicest to, or the people who weren't so great to me, I realize a consistent underlying issue...unhappiness.  All it takes is a little bit to cause out lashes in the form of giving someone a hard time, picking on someone, criticizing, gossiping...the list goes on...  Another major culprit is insecurity.  I remember as a teenager trying to find flaws in girls to make myself feel better, or to feel more secure in my relationship.  It is pretty common in the teenage years when you are trying to figure everything out.  Now as adults we really need to do our best to keep it in check.  I know it can be difficult when we don't feel well, aren't happy with our looks, struggling to make ends meet.  How can we "love" others when we don't even love ourselves?!  It is easy to turn and cut down on the glamourous woman you see at the grocery store or hate on the rich people who seem to have it all.  Honestly, sometimes we encounter difficult people who seemingly deserve the barrage we are spewing in our minds.  However, I am here to tell you it is not healthy.  There are multiple, unrelated sources in my life that are constantly exclaiming, "What you put out in the world comes back to you!"  Yes, even thoughts!

One thing I have to address is gossip!  I could devote an entire post to this topic.  I want to say that it is toxic!  It is very hurtful, usually based on lies or inflations, and it pollutes so much around us.  It might be tempting to participate in gossip, but it will also poison you in return.  There is so much else to talk about!  I challenge you to change the subject next time you are involved in a gossip-based conversation.  And change it to something positive!  That way you can walk away or hang-up with a smile on your face instead of feeling yucky.

In the last year I have seen a major shift in the way I perceive angry, miserable people.  In the past they may have riled me up, maybe I would even "stand-up" by pushing back on them, but now I really feel sorry for them.  I realize that they must really be going through something in their lives.  Either something current, or a past wound that was never healed.  Something that I will post about in the future is the great amount of pain people are currently in in our world.  We all have something (or multiple things) and for some reason none of us know how to resolve it.  One thing that would be a lot cheaper than therapy would be if we all started by treating each other with kindness.  How "Hippie" of me, right?!  I know!  When it comes  down to it we all want to feel like we matter.  That is why it is so important to be sure to thank and tip your waiter/waitress, say "hi" to the janitor where you work, be patient with the telemarketer on the other end of the phone...  Would you want to be a telemarketer?!  I wonder what their suicide rate is with people always hanging up on them, or worse yet yelling at them?!  At least I just pretend I can't hear them...HELLO, HELLO, HELLO???  I digress...

All kidding aside, next time someone is unpleasant try your best to be patient and kind with them, knowing that you can go on with your happy life, but not knowing where they have to go after your interaction...cancer treatment, an abusive spouse, a miserable job...  Maybe you aren't heading off to a pleasant situation yourself...all the more reason to be nice!  You can probably relate to how they are feeling.  Try to adopt this "kindness philosophy" with everyone...unpleasant and pleasant alike.  Sometimes when I am out and about I will see people who remind me of loved ones (around the same age, stature, whatever), and just because of that I smile at them, and it is a nice little exchange that probably made both of us feel a little better.  It doesn't take much!  Start small and it will grow, and Lord knows our world could use more kindness!  You will start to notice that it comes back to you multiplied!  :-)

Why Should I Have Faith?

This week my posts will all be inspired by the fact that it is "Holy Week."  I realize that not everyone reading this blog is Christian...maybe you wouldn't even consider yourself religious, but I believe you will still find value in the messages.

FAITH
What is faith?  Well, sometimes trying to define it or explain can leave you going around in circles.  You really can't contain it that way.  At times I get annoyed when someone relentlessly questions why I (or people in general) have faith.  "I just do!"  However, everyone has the right to inquire and try to figure out just where another person is coming from, especially if it is to help them sort things out for themselves.  In the end there are just some areas of our lives that can be questioned to the point of exhaustion without finding one, solid, formulaic answer.  I feel that faith falls into that category, because (to put it simply) faith is a gift.  It is something planted inside of us, in our soul.  Then it is up to us what we do with that gift (hence, free will).  This explanation might not jive with some people, but if someone asked me, "Where did you get that necklace?" and I said, "It was a gift," I would find it a little strange if they insisted that wasn't possible or kept asking where it really came from.

When I was meeting with my Priest in preparation for my Confirmation "Faith" was one of the topics we discussed.  What I took away from that specific lesson is that we are always on a "faith journey."  Throughout our lives our faith goes through different phases.  I also learned there are levels that our faith grows within - mind, heart, and soul.  Guess what else?  Questioning of faith is encouraged (constructively, not destructively), because it helps us to mature in our faith.

Then there is the part that is the hardest at times...faith requires trust.  I mean total and complete trust.  This is a constant struggle for me.  When I am feeling great it is easy...on my hardest days, when I am not sure what is going to happen, I feel I lose a little faith.  In tough times you realize how guarded your faith really is.  I learned from my Priest that faith involves risk, it is a process, and it involves darkness.  That's just not what we want to hear or deal with.  Personally I am not a risk taker...the process part I don't mind...darkness, no thanks.  Then I realized that one of the benefits I have gained from "darkness" is that I have become closer to God, and my faith has strengthened in ways that would not have been possible otherwise (though I still have a long way to go).  I heard a great quote on the radio the other day (I can't remember it word for word) explaining why we can have such difficult times in life if God is such a loving God.  This person used the analogy that God is our loving Father and sometimes he has to be like a parent of an addict who won't get help.  He knows we have to hit rock bottom before we will make necessary changes in our lives.  It really made me think.  I could get annoyed by that statement (and I am sure some of you will), but I also see truth in it and it resonates with me.  I can feel this way about it, because I KNOW that above all else God is love.

Today I was driving home from running errands with my son, and I received one of the many messages and reminders I am blessed enough to receive daily.  We were stopped at a traffic light, and I happened to look off to my right toward a crosswalk.  There was a man (probably around 30 years old) crossing the busy street, his white walking cane feeling his way, pulling his preschool-aged child in a wagon behind him.  I was blown away.  The faith and trust this blind man has to have to care for a dependent child in such a way...going about a day much better than I do at times.  Of course I counted my blessings, but more than anything I was beyond moved and inspired by this glimpse of someone else's life challenges, and the grace involved in going about life so beautifully.

In the book "Common Grace," Anthony B. Robinson wrote about faith in a section titled "You Just Have To Believe."  He gives many bold and sweet reminders of how we all need to keep working on our faith: "...this faith meant an utter reliance on powers not my own...  It required a deeper confidence that we would be held and upheld through all the unknowns and uncertainty that surround us as well as lay ahead of us.  It meant a trust beyond words.  It meant that 'You've got to believe.'"

I will end with one more quote from "Common Grace."  One for you to think about no matter where you are in life, or how you do or do not define yourself as far as religion goes.  "There was a time when faith was the easy option and reflected a common consensus in Western society, but that's no longer the case.  Believing in God, in something Holy, in grace, in a power is no longer the safe choice, it is the risky choice."  I encourage you to take that risk, to think about and work on your faith.  It is an effort that pays off in ways that words cannot describe.

Oh...of course as I was just about to post this I noticed Joyce Meyer's recent post on Facebook, "Faith begins when we say, “I trust You, God.” (Psalm 31:14)."  AMEN!

SSS #2 - The Journey

Hi all!  I am absolutely LOVING all of your comments, "likes," etc!  THANK YOU!!!  Here is my little gift back to you...this week's "Simple Sunday Supper."  I can't remember how far into my "journey" I was when I found this poem, but it was like it was written for me!  I love how God and life lead you to things right when you need them.  I hope reading this post will create a similar experience for someone else.  No matter what kind of journey you are on, YOU CAN DO THIS!  It might not be easy (it might feel like it has reduced you to pieces as times), but if you keep your head up and keep pushing thorough it you will start to see the stars shine through.  That doesn't always mean that you will get the results you want, in the timeframe you want, but you will learn that you can depend on yourself and your own strength.  That alone will prove to be extremely valuable as you travel forward, deeper into life.  Read this poem through...then read it again...and again.  Really think about it, and make it your own.  Allow it to signify specific pieces of your puzzle.  Give yourself credit for how far you have come.  Finally, gain the strength, hope, and inspiration to propel you forward.

The Journey
By: Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.

*Mary Oliver is an AMAZING poet!  I will be sharing more of her treasures down the road.  In the meantime, please take the time to lose yourself in more of her beautiful work: http://famouspoetsandpoems.com/poets/mary_oliver/poems

Soak It Up...Or Out!

This is going to be a quick one, but a good one!  My best friend has been my good ol' bathtub lately.  I have felt so-so about baths over the years, always preferring showers, but my tune has changed a little these days.  I understand so much more about how these mini-spas work.  Their key function for me is that they DETOXIFY!  Even if you don't have quite as many of the "nasties" to expel as I do, baths can and do benefit most people.  Draw the water as hot as you can stand it, and soak for at least 20 minutes.  For a super detox session add any or all of the following: 2-3 cups of Epsom Salt, 1/4-1/2 cup of baking soda, and 1/2-1 cup of Bentonite Clay.  I also add a bunch of essential oils...my own cocktail that I tweaked for my personal needs.  You can take a cup of almond milk, add the oils, and shake to emulsify...then just dump it right in!  Swirl it all together and steep!  If nothing else you should feel much more relaxed and ready to face life afterward!

FF #2 - Get A Little "Crazy"

Happy Friday's Frosting to you!  Where do I even begin?  "Inspiration" is a metropolis-sized understatement when it comes to this gal.  I wanted her to be my first F.F. last week, but the truth is this is a little heavy, and I needed more time to try to put my thoughts together.  Now I know I have your attention.  The epitome of empowerment I am referring to is Kris Carr!  If there were a Nobel Prize for inspiration she would be a lifetime achievement winner for sure.  Ok, enough with the intro.  Let's get on with it...I have a lot to say!

Get A Little "Crazy" With Kris Carr
At 31 years old, living in the fast lane in New York City, assuming she had partied a little too much at a recent film festival, or overdone it in yoga class, Kris received the harsh news from her doctor - cancer.  Epithelioid hemangio-endothelioma to be exact...an extremely rare disease, with an "untreatable," inoperable diagnosis.  Instead of crawling into a hole and waiting for "the end" she took control and started a new beginning.  She researched like crazy, and as she put it, "I was the CEO, and the doctors worked for me."  She changed her perspective, and asked herself, "If I couldn't be cured, could I still be healthy?"  She decided that she would view her illness as an imbalance.  One that she could strengthen her body and mind to keep in check.  Then the work began, and boy (or, girl) did she make good on everything she learned.  She LIVED it!  So much so that she wrote and directed her own documentary for TLC, "Crazy Sexy Cancer."  She has also written "Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips," "Crazy Sexy Cancer Survivor," and my favorite "Crazy Sexy Diet."

Soooooo..."Crazy Sexy Diet"...Following glowing intros from two others, the first words she writes in the book are, "Are you ready to live like you mean it?"  To which I yelled, "YES!!!"  In this book she promotes a low-fat, vegetarian (or vegan) diet that reduces inflammation and balances your body's pH.  (If I have lost you or turned you off at this point please hang in there it's worth it!)  It's all about whole foods, lots of green drinks/super smoothies, and ditching the S.A.D. in your life (Standard American Diet).  I always figured processed foods were killer, but Kris opened my eyes to what the real deal is with animal products, wheat, dairy, etc.  It is amazing to learn that what you put in your mouth can do some serious kung-fu on your organs (and every nook and cell of your body).  She reminds us that back in the day we used to eat real food, before huge corporations became involved with our food.  She also quotes Michael Pollan's book "In Defense of Food": "The chronic diseases that now kill most of us can be traced directly to the industrialization of our food."  Kris feels strongly that our genes are not our destiny.  She gives cancer and disease stats...some read like this: 5-10% of cancers have a genetic link/origin and 70-80% of cancers are linked to diet and other behavioral factors.  (I feel the same about autoimmune disorders...you may be somewhat predisposed, but you can work with what ya got to keep it in the best check possible.)  Kris clearly is not placing blame, though - not on herself and not on us.  She only encourages us to educate and empower ourselves.  She says, "I'll never know what made me "sick." But it helps for me to ponder how I may have participated so that I can stop participating in my illness."  YES!  We must step up and take responsibility for our wellness!

The majority of the book is obviously about diet (hence its title), food, nutrition, vitamins, and a 21-day cleanse to get your started...but there is a lot of other extremely useful information about taking care of yourself holistically.  It's important to think about healing as finding your balance, your homeostasis, so you can be your best self.  That means mind, body, soul, spirit.  They all have equal value, and you can't neglect even one of them.  "Crazy Sexy Diet" is told from a been there/done that knowledge and with humor and love.  It has tips on how to work on and heal all aspects of your life.  I highly recommend the book to the "imbalanced" (I won't say sick or ill) and "balanced" (healthy) alike.  Don't wait for the life-changing drop-kick to the face that Kris and I had to experience to improve your life.  Make a preventative move instead of a reactive move.  I have done a lot of what the book suggests, and it has made a major difference in my healing process.  I just can't thank Kris enough...there are no words...  I love her and would give her the biggest bear hug if I ever met her!

This isn't just about physical health.  If you are facing any kind of life-challenge let Kris be your example of how not to allow it to steal your joy or keep you from being your best self.  Get to work, and live life fully in spite of it.  NOW is the time!  In the wise words of Seal, "No we're never gonna survive unless we get a little CRAZY!"

(Checking out Kris Carr's incredible website is a MUST!  You will find more useful info there than you will know what to do with!  http://crazysexylife.com/)

Rarely Ordinary

One afternoon last week, while I was standing at my kitchen sink, a bird on the neighbor's fence caught my eye.  The glare from the sun was somewhat impairing my vision, but from what I could tell the bird was different from all the others I usually see.  I stopped washing dishes and rifled through my "odds and ends" drawer for my binoculars.  I just couldn't find the right angle to get a clear view.  It was a good-sized bird (sort of medium sized) with white around its eyes and throat.  I watched its movements closely.  It looked like it was carefully grooming itself...and that maybe some bugs were bothering it, as it pecked at itself in a fast and annoyed manner.  I enjoyed watching it ruffle its feathers, and my mind wandered to how each living thing is so beautifully unique and perfectly created.  Then the bird turned, and I saw a magnificent blaze of orange.  "Wow!" I couldn't help saying out loud.  Then I really got a good look.  "Oh...it's...JUST a robin," I thought with a feeling of disappointment as I lowered my binoculars.  WAIT...that very thought goes against everything I am trying to be and share with others.  I had to really think about this and make a conscious shift right then and there.

Just because something is "common" does not mean it is not special.  There is definitely no shortage of people in this world, yet each one of us is unique.  All of this led me to wonder why we are so intrigued by things that are rare, and why people strive to be able to say things like, "I have the only one," or "I own the original."  If only we could focus on the seemingly simple and common things around us and find beauty in those as well.  That is living!  That is my challenge for you today (and hopefully every day that follows)...find something in your surroundings, something you usually pass by without noticing, and appreciate it....really find its value and beauty.  I bet you will feel a little part of you grow inside, which will only make YOU more beautiful!  Remember, things are rarely as ordinary as they might seem.

The Incredible, Edible...COCONUT!

I think it's about time for a little product review-ish post!  Today I am talking about an extremely important ingredient in any recipe for healing and staying healthy...COCONUT!  I discovered coconut oil back when I was nursing my son and he was allergic to dairy and soy.  Coconut oil proved to be the perfect oil for baking.  It comes in a solid form, so I would melt it and use it in place of vegetable-type oils in cakes, muffins, etc.  I even spread it on toast sometimes!  It is a great butter substitute.  Then later on I discovered coconut water.  I tried quite a few brands, but ended up sticking with "Naked" brand (www.nakedjuice.com), because it had the lowest percentage of sugar (very important when you have any sort of bacterial/microbial thing going on, because they thrive on sugar) that I could find.

I was beyond psyched to find out just how miraculous coconuts can be!  It's all about the lauric acid (which deserves its own post, but if you are interested you can easily look it up).  Coconuts have been proven to have antimicrobial, antioxidant, antifungal, and antibacterial properties.  This is beneficial for all of us, but especially anyone with a compromised immune system.  I have read quite a bit about it helping cancer and HIV patients with viral protection, etc.  It actually helps all sorts of conditions and is particularly healing to the gut.  I could go on and on, but if you want to know more go to this website: http://www.organicfacts.net/organic-oils/organic-coconut-oil/health-benefits-of-coconut-oil.html.

I hope you will check it out!  I can't remember the exact brand of coconut oil I use (and I am too lazy - and in bed - to go downstairs to look), so if you want to know just post a comment below.  I know it is organic and I order it online.  There are different varieties...virgin, extra virgin, etc...just like with olive oil.  I am more than happy to answer any questions you might have!

I am so obsessed with coconut and its health benefits that I use a coconut oil-based body oil everyday.  I will review that in another post...  For added enjoyment with any of the coconut products I mentioned, close your eyes and pretend you are on a tropical island!  That should give you a boost as well!
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*UPDATE: The coconut oil brands I highly recommend are:
1. Omega Nutrition Coconut Oil - http://www.omeganutrition.com/ProductListing.aspx?Search=coconut+oil
2. Dr. Bronner's Coconut Oil - https://www.drbronner.com/DBMS/category/COCONUTOIL.html

It Takes A Team

Sooo...as I mentioned in last night's post I have not been feeling so great lately.  While at my hypnotherapist's last night we started off with our usual review of current symptoms, which helps her know what to focus on during our session.  For the first time she really urged me to contact my doctor with an update, because she was concerned.  Ugh...that deflated me a little.  We ended up completely reviewing my journey up to this point...the many doctors who couldn't figure my illness out, the feelings of being left to fend for myself, the "soldiering on" (as she put it), the months of uncertainty...  She wanted to make the point that I am strong, and I really have made it so far, and I have made quite a bit of progress.  Sure, I can now admit that I have surprised myself with my determination and strength at times, but the truth is IT TAKES A TEAM.

In the "beginning" I had my family (mostly my husband and my mother), and that was pretty much it.  They knew I wasn't crazy or making this whole thing up.  They were right there every time I needed to talk.  I saw almost 15 doctors (some of them multiple times) who just couldn't figure it out, and then when their tests came back "normal," they were happy to send me home with no answers, no help.  I found two very caring doctors in that group, who were willing to listen, but they were left scratching their heads.  The whole time I was researching and had severely altered my diet in an attempt to help.  Then I took control...in a matter of time I had found my doctor (MD), my acupuncturist (thank-you brother-in-law), my herbalist (thanks to a cousin), and my hypnotherapist...and they became my "care" team.  It took some weeding out of other therapists, a naturopath who has been very helpful with some conditions that crop-up, and the many MDs I saw overtime.

I know I promised to keep this blog positive, but I share this information to empower you.  I used to put all doctors (and some other professionals) up on a pedestal and just assume that they must know better than me.  NO ONE knows your body better than YOU, and there are doctors out there who will LISTEN and work WITH you.  You shouldn't have to settle when it comes to your health.  Listen to your gut and get the help you deserve.

I also have an amazing massage therapist who truly cares and she actually suggested Lyme early on.  I have the best Priest who has been there to listen and lend guidance and support.  Then I have my wonderful friends and extended family who randomly check in on me and lift me up.  All of these different support systems come together to walk through this journey with me beautifully.

I do have to say that nothing has been more beautiful than the love and support from my husband.  Some would have run a long time ago.  Seriously.  This man has been unfaltering in his strength.  He truly has had two full-time jobs since I became sick.  The minute he gets home from work he is cooking dinner and helping out with our son.  Then he prepares breakfast for me and wraps it up for me so it is ready in the morning.  He does the grocery shopping, most of the errands, most of the laundry...and the list goes on.  He just wants me to focus on getting better.  Since I have been more knocked down lately he has been right there with his "tough love" and pep talks to get me through it and moving forward.  He always puts me first, and his unconditional love is inspiring.

Our son is also an amazing motivator.  He is why I get out of bed in the morning.  He keeps me pushing myself to be better and get better.  His love and care, giggles and smiles, bazillion hugs and kisses, are the best medicine and biggest blessing I could ever pray for.  It is hard to put into words what that little angel does for me.

My Mom has been right there...answering my calls, doing the best she can to hide her concern and be supportive.  Many times she has dropped her life to drive all the way here to help out, or to help in any way that she can.  What can you say about your mom?  Now that I am a mom I understand her love for me even more.  I also understand that this has probably hurt her more than it hurts me at times.

At the center of all of this is...JESUS!  There are no words, but I KNOW that I am never alone as long as I have my faith.  During the nights when the rest of the world is asleep I still have comfort and love.

I know I am missing people, but you get my point...I have rambled on long enough!  You may be alone in your symptoms and knowing how your everyday struggles truly feel, but when it comes to getting through it (whatever that happens to be for you), it takes a lot of love and support from those around you.  One of the hardest things for me has been leaning on others, but I wouldn't have made it this far if I hadn't.  Allow yourself to lean or to be caught sometimes.  You can "soldier on" only so much...then you must look to your team to have your back.