Most people who know me (or should I say "knew me" (since I virtually disappeared from the planet after having a child), would say I am positive, fun-loving, all that jazz (I think). For the most part, on the outside, I always have been. However, there has always been some fear, anxiety, worry, doom and gloom (to varying degrees) hanging out on the inside for as long as I can remember. Now...there could be many reasons for this - Chronic Lyme Disease (since very early childhood) is a big one, a cautiously pessimistic upbringing, different life events, etc...it doesn't really matter. What I am trying to say is that I am not preaching this positivity stuff from a holier-than-thou mountaintop. I am right down in the trenches, digging my way out with you...probably even more so than many of you. (It also depends on the day, of course.) The good thing is that we are all capable of change. As much as I fight it or dismiss it at times, you always have a choice...especially when it comes to the thoughts you think. As I have learned, we were born perfect, happy, with the most amazing potential, and then life happened. Whatever our story is, our hurts are, they kidnapped us and drove us on a blindfolded detour away from our best selves. That best self is still in there, at the core of us, we just need to bust out our best warrior and fight to get it back. Let's get to it! It's a one day at a time (or one minute at a time) thing, so be patient with yourself. With all that I am willing to change, I still strongly say that I will always be a germ-o-phobe, and that I will never touch that one...but I have also learned to never say never!
I am a 32-year-old wife and mother. The best thing I have ever done is being a mother. That was my calling. Everyone has something. That's mine. Everything else in my life is shifting so much right now as I come to terms with a recent diagnosis of a chronic illness and its turning upside-down of my life, that I don't know what else to write about myself. I do love music and dancing, that I know for sure. God and my family and friends are everything to me and the reason I get up every morning. This blog is something I never thought I would do, but I think it will be a part of my healing. If it brings even one smile, to one person, it will be a success.
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