Last Supper

What would your "Last Supper" be like?  Who would you invite?  What would you say?  How would you spend the evening?  Most importantly, how would you want to be remembered long after?  Really think about these questions, and maybe even write down your thoughts.  If you are like me you might frequently find yourself saying things like, "I will do X when I feel better," or "I will be better about doing Y when I have more time."  The more we realize how fragile life can be, the more we know that any supper could be our last.  Therefore, we should make a vow to always say what's in our hearts when we have the chance, give an extra hug when you have someone in arm's reach, let someone know they are on your mind and how much they mean to you, find joy in mundane tasks (since you are still here and able to do them).  AND...at the risk of sounding cliche, PLEASE never go to bed, or leave for the day, mad or with an unresolved conflict.  Need a little motivation to stick to that last one?  I often think of the victims of September 11th...they never got to "make things right" or tell someone they loved them at the end of their day.

As you think about what your own "Last Supper" might be like it is important to remember that when we "go" we don't take possessions, job titles, awards, or social status/popularity with us.  The Lent reading for Holy Thursday states, "Do not ask 'Does my life have meaning?  Have I made any difference in the world?'  Those questions speak about accomplishments, which you cannot take with you into the next world."  When we let God's love work through us and we share that love through our actions and good deeds, it causes our soul to grow.  Our soul – the only part of us that will be left and moving on.  That is what we should be focused on developing.  It will be our only representative later, and in so many ways it determines our quality of life now.  I feel that in this life we should care the most about how we have made other people feel.  I know the impact that a kind word, a note, a hug, a laugh have had on me.  I want to be that for others. God is love, and I want to spread that around!

When thinking about who I would invite to my “Last Supper” and what I would say, a chapter in Anthony B. Robinson’s “Common Grace” provided some important reminders.  The section is titled “A Person Is A Person Because Of Other Persons.”  He talks about the path he took in life and all of the family members, friends, neighbors, teachers, colleagues, etc. who shaped him along the way.  When we stand in front of people we are not just standing there as one, single person.  We are a collection of all of the people who have loved us, supported us, and believed in us along the way.  In today’s world we are so encouraged to be individuals and achieve and accomplish for ourselves…and then take all the credit.  It is important to remember who taught you the stories that then guided the unfolding of your own story.  It didn’t just write itself.  Robinson warns, “When we push the notion of individual autonomy to such unquestioned extremes, as is common today, we tend to lose perspective on the truth of interconnectedness.”  My point in all of this is: Don’t wait to thank people for the role they have played in your life, and keep thanking them and loving them.  Then move forward and make sure you help nurture as many other lives as you can.

One last thought…since this post also makes me think of food (what doesn't?!), another thing to think about is giving up something in your life that is really bad for you...cigs are an obvious one, but I mean things like soda, candy (at least anything with dye in it - yes, M&Ms, Skittles, etc.), something you love that has way too many ingredients you can't pronounce.  It has a lot to do with understanding your worth, dusting off your willpower, and having the drive to truly improve your life.  Trust me, you will feel so much better, in so many ways, and it will probably push your "Last Supper" off by a few years!

I'm back...

I'm finally back!  A note from a loved one today nudged me back on here.  The truth is that I have not been feeling great lately.  I have been up so late trying to get through meds and dinner that by the time I would finally have time on the computer I am too tired.  A numb left arm and massive eye floater don't make being on the computer too appealing either!  OH, but GOOD NEWS...we just got a sauna to help with my healing process, so I have also been trying that out at night!  Anyway...wah, wah, wah.  Trying to keep my chin up and keep pushing.  I have some posts that were intended for last week that I will get to sharing...  I have definitely been using one of my favorite therapies a lot lately...MUSIC!  Below are some lyrics that have been keeping me going...  Sending love to all!  Thank you for sticking with me!  XO!

"Bring On The Rain"
JoDee Messina

(Billy Montana/Helen Darling)

Another day has almost come and gone,
Can't imagine what else could go wrong.
Sometimes I'd like to hide away somewhere and lock the door.
A single battle lost but not the war.

'Cause tomorrow's another day,
And I'm thirsty anyway,
So bring on the rain.

It's almost like the hard times circle 'round.
A couple drops and they all start comin down.
Yeah, I might feel defeated,
And I might hang my head,
I might be barely breathing, but I'm not dead, no.

'Cause tomorrow's another day,
And I'm thirsty anyway,
So bring on the rain.

No I'm not gonna let it get me down.
I'm not cry,
And I'm not gonna lose any sleep tonight.

'Cause tomorrow's another day,
And I am not afraid,
So bring on the rain.

Tomorrow's another day,
And I'm thirsty anyway,
So bring on the rain.

No I'm not gonna let get me down,
I'm not gonna cry.
So bring on the rain.

Bring on the rain
Bring on the rain

ForGIVEness

I desperately tried to get this one up over the last couple of nights, but between the fact that I gave up my computer for Lent (with the exception of a little time at night) and church this week, I am way behind!  Plus, I found I had so much to say that I just got overwhelmed!  I hope this all comes together for you and is helpful.  I think it is an extremely important one…maybe the most important one I will write!

ForGIVEness (Intended for Wednesday, 4/4)
To set the tone I just have to start with what I think is one of the most beautiful quotes.  I have recently heard it used many times on the new Oprah network.  I never grow tired of hearing it, and I happily reflect on it at length.  "Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it." - Mark Twain.  Think about that for a bit, come back to it often...

Every single book I have read lately mentions forgiveness.  The major one being The Bible.  As a Christian, this week reminds me of the ultimate sacrifice made for my total and complete forgiveness.  If you turn the television on to any self-help-themed show you will hear "forgiveness" mentioned at some point.  From what I understand it is the key to health and happiness.  If you really listen it makes complete sense...if you hold on to any sort of negative emotion it is bound to do damage.  It is like any wound that does not heal properly.

The first, and most important, part of forgiveness is forgiving yourself.  The past is the past.  You can't change it, no matter how much you dwell on it.  You can only face it, allow yourself to process it, and then move on.  Not so simple, I know.  We cause ourselves unnecessary pain by being too hard on ourselves.  Cut yourself some slack.  We all are human and learning as we go.  Keep in mind that most "mistakes" are essential for our learning and growth.  Self-forgiveness drives healing and wellness in your mind, body, and soul.  Very important!

Once you have worked on forgiving yourself you can move on to forgiving others.  I know this can seem extremely difficult, but it doesn't have to be so.  Maybe framing it this way will help...  Think about the word forGIVE.  It is actually the act of giving yourself a gift, because it sets YOU free.  Oprah recently told a story from her past where she was holding a grudge against an old friend, and it was causing her to have negative thoughts and feelings.  Then one day she happened to see her former friend in the distance, walking down the sidewalk, laughing, heading into a high-end store for some shopping, and she realized that her anger was only hurting herself.  Her old friend seemed to be doing just fine.  Sometimes we convince ourselves that our grudge is somehow punishing the other person, when the truth is that most of the time they have moved on, and we are really just punishing ourselves by living in the past and not being completely present in our own lives.  Just ask yourself what good it is doing you to continue having bad feelings toward another?  In actuality it is just taking you down.

As Joan Borysenko brilliantly puts it in her book, "The Power of the Mind to Heal," "Prior to forgiveness, we are indeed bound to the object of our hate.  Resentment occupies our thoughts and poisons our body/mind.  It is a powerful adversary that keeps us from being fully present in the moment.  As long as we are shackled by hatred or judgement, we cannot claim the power of our mind to heal.  We are prisoners of the past."  She also paints a wonderful picture when referencing Buddha, "The Buddha compared anger to a hot coal that we pick up, intending to throw at someone else, only to be burned ourselves."  Just remember that when your energy is being used to be angry, sad, or afraid, there is less room for happiness, hope, joy, and love, and it compromises our ability to be our best selves.

Sometimes the pain people cause us is not tied to one action, one comment.  Sometimes you need to forgive people for not being what you wanted or needed them to be.  Louise Hay talks about this, too.  This is especially important if you hold a grudge against one or both of your parents.  Some people truly do the best they can with where they have come from.  In Oprah's episode of "Master Class" with Jane Fonda, Jane talked about how hard it was growing up having the mother she did.  Her mother spent a lot of time closed in her room, with the curtains drawn.  She eventually ended up in a mental facility.  One day she showed up with a nurse to pick-up some things, and she called upstairs to Jane and her bother who were playing jax, but neither of them answered or went downstairs.  One of the things her mother had secretly retrieved that day was a razor, which she later killed herself with.  As you can imagine Jane spent a lot of time battling many emotions.  She ended up requesting her mother’s documents, and one day those records arrived.  Jane sat down to look at them…  “Sexual abuse,” they read over and over.  It all clicked, it all made sense…  She was able to process and forgive on so many levels.  She had a piece, an answer, to why her life was the way it was.  She is one of many who suggest getting the complete backstory of your parents’ lives.  It can create a higher understanding and a greater love as well.

So now what?  The first step is feeling that you are willing to forgive.  There are lots of “exercises” you can try ranging from visualizing (eyes closed, peaceful, relaxed environment) the exact moment of hurt, freezing the scene, crumpling it up, and throwing it away.  You can also take a piece of paper and list all of the people you feel hurt by/have a grudge against.  Then next to each one write what you learned and/or how you grew from it.  If you want to take it one step further, write something positive about each person, or something good you hope for their lives.  Then release it.  Let it go.  Another one of my favorites for “getting rid” of anything that is weighing you down is writing your issue on a balloon and releasing it into the sky.  You can also put the balloon on the wall and throw a dart at it.  It is up to you how you dissolve it.

I know we frequently get caught up in thinking that forgiveness means condoning what someone else has done to us, or like it is letting them “off the hook” easily, but I hope this post helps you realize that forgiveness is actually for YOU!  It is freeing, and it is healing…for you, for relationships, for the world.  I will leave you with a wonderful quote from “A Course In Miracles”: “The holiest ground is where an ancient hatred has become a present love.”

Kindness

In so many places in The Bible the message is clear...treat others the way you want to be treated (love others as you love yourself).  As I think back over the years about the people I wasn't the nicest to, or the people who weren't so great to me, I realize a consistent underlying issue...unhappiness.  All it takes is a little bit to cause out lashes in the form of giving someone a hard time, picking on someone, criticizing, gossiping...the list goes on...  Another major culprit is insecurity.  I remember as a teenager trying to find flaws in girls to make myself feel better, or to feel more secure in my relationship.  It is pretty common in the teenage years when you are trying to figure everything out.  Now as adults we really need to do our best to keep it in check.  I know it can be difficult when we don't feel well, aren't happy with our looks, struggling to make ends meet.  How can we "love" others when we don't even love ourselves?!  It is easy to turn and cut down on the glamourous woman you see at the grocery store or hate on the rich people who seem to have it all.  Honestly, sometimes we encounter difficult people who seemingly deserve the barrage we are spewing in our minds.  However, I am here to tell you it is not healthy.  There are multiple, unrelated sources in my life that are constantly exclaiming, "What you put out in the world comes back to you!"  Yes, even thoughts!

One thing I have to address is gossip!  I could devote an entire post to this topic.  I want to say that it is toxic!  It is very hurtful, usually based on lies or inflations, and it pollutes so much around us.  It might be tempting to participate in gossip, but it will also poison you in return.  There is so much else to talk about!  I challenge you to change the subject next time you are involved in a gossip-based conversation.  And change it to something positive!  That way you can walk away or hang-up with a smile on your face instead of feeling yucky.

In the last year I have seen a major shift in the way I perceive angry, miserable people.  In the past they may have riled me up, maybe I would even "stand-up" by pushing back on them, but now I really feel sorry for them.  I realize that they must really be going through something in their lives.  Either something current, or a past wound that was never healed.  Something that I will post about in the future is the great amount of pain people are currently in in our world.  We all have something (or multiple things) and for some reason none of us know how to resolve it.  One thing that would be a lot cheaper than therapy would be if we all started by treating each other with kindness.  How "Hippie" of me, right?!  I know!  When it comes  down to it we all want to feel like we matter.  That is why it is so important to be sure to thank and tip your waiter/waitress, say "hi" to the janitor where you work, be patient with the telemarketer on the other end of the phone...  Would you want to be a telemarketer?!  I wonder what their suicide rate is with people always hanging up on them, or worse yet yelling at them?!  At least I just pretend I can't hear them...HELLO, HELLO, HELLO???  I digress...

All kidding aside, next time someone is unpleasant try your best to be patient and kind with them, knowing that you can go on with your happy life, but not knowing where they have to go after your interaction...cancer treatment, an abusive spouse, a miserable job...  Maybe you aren't heading off to a pleasant situation yourself...all the more reason to be nice!  You can probably relate to how they are feeling.  Try to adopt this "kindness philosophy" with everyone...unpleasant and pleasant alike.  Sometimes when I am out and about I will see people who remind me of loved ones (around the same age, stature, whatever), and just because of that I smile at them, and it is a nice little exchange that probably made both of us feel a little better.  It doesn't take much!  Start small and it will grow, and Lord knows our world could use more kindness!  You will start to notice that it comes back to you multiplied!  :-)

Why Should I Have Faith?

This week my posts will all be inspired by the fact that it is "Holy Week."  I realize that not everyone reading this blog is Christian...maybe you wouldn't even consider yourself religious, but I believe you will still find value in the messages.

FAITH
What is faith?  Well, sometimes trying to define it or explain can leave you going around in circles.  You really can't contain it that way.  At times I get annoyed when someone relentlessly questions why I (or people in general) have faith.  "I just do!"  However, everyone has the right to inquire and try to figure out just where another person is coming from, especially if it is to help them sort things out for themselves.  In the end there are just some areas of our lives that can be questioned to the point of exhaustion without finding one, solid, formulaic answer.  I feel that faith falls into that category, because (to put it simply) faith is a gift.  It is something planted inside of us, in our soul.  Then it is up to us what we do with that gift (hence, free will).  This explanation might not jive with some people, but if someone asked me, "Where did you get that necklace?" and I said, "It was a gift," I would find it a little strange if they insisted that wasn't possible or kept asking where it really came from.

When I was meeting with my Priest in preparation for my Confirmation "Faith" was one of the topics we discussed.  What I took away from that specific lesson is that we are always on a "faith journey."  Throughout our lives our faith goes through different phases.  I also learned there are levels that our faith grows within - mind, heart, and soul.  Guess what else?  Questioning of faith is encouraged (constructively, not destructively), because it helps us to mature in our faith.

Then there is the part that is the hardest at times...faith requires trust.  I mean total and complete trust.  This is a constant struggle for me.  When I am feeling great it is easy...on my hardest days, when I am not sure what is going to happen, I feel I lose a little faith.  In tough times you realize how guarded your faith really is.  I learned from my Priest that faith involves risk, it is a process, and it involves darkness.  That's just not what we want to hear or deal with.  Personally I am not a risk taker...the process part I don't mind...darkness, no thanks.  Then I realized that one of the benefits I have gained from "darkness" is that I have become closer to God, and my faith has strengthened in ways that would not have been possible otherwise (though I still have a long way to go).  I heard a great quote on the radio the other day (I can't remember it word for word) explaining why we can have such difficult times in life if God is such a loving God.  This person used the analogy that God is our loving Father and sometimes he has to be like a parent of an addict who won't get help.  He knows we have to hit rock bottom before we will make necessary changes in our lives.  It really made me think.  I could get annoyed by that statement (and I am sure some of you will), but I also see truth in it and it resonates with me.  I can feel this way about it, because I KNOW that above all else God is love.

Today I was driving home from running errands with my son, and I received one of the many messages and reminders I am blessed enough to receive daily.  We were stopped at a traffic light, and I happened to look off to my right toward a crosswalk.  There was a man (probably around 30 years old) crossing the busy street, his white walking cane feeling his way, pulling his preschool-aged child in a wagon behind him.  I was blown away.  The faith and trust this blind man has to have to care for a dependent child in such a way...going about a day much better than I do at times.  Of course I counted my blessings, but more than anything I was beyond moved and inspired by this glimpse of someone else's life challenges, and the grace involved in going about life so beautifully.

In the book "Common Grace," Anthony B. Robinson wrote about faith in a section titled "You Just Have To Believe."  He gives many bold and sweet reminders of how we all need to keep working on our faith: "...this faith meant an utter reliance on powers not my own...  It required a deeper confidence that we would be held and upheld through all the unknowns and uncertainty that surround us as well as lay ahead of us.  It meant a trust beyond words.  It meant that 'You've got to believe.'"

I will end with one more quote from "Common Grace."  One for you to think about no matter where you are in life, or how you do or do not define yourself as far as religion goes.  "There was a time when faith was the easy option and reflected a common consensus in Western society, but that's no longer the case.  Believing in God, in something Holy, in grace, in a power is no longer the safe choice, it is the risky choice."  I encourage you to take that risk, to think about and work on your faith.  It is an effort that pays off in ways that words cannot describe.

Oh...of course as I was just about to post this I noticed Joyce Meyer's recent post on Facebook, "Faith begins when we say, “I trust You, God.” (Psalm 31:14)."  AMEN!

SSS #2 - The Journey

Hi all!  I am absolutely LOVING all of your comments, "likes," etc!  THANK YOU!!!  Here is my little gift back to you...this week's "Simple Sunday Supper."  I can't remember how far into my "journey" I was when I found this poem, but it was like it was written for me!  I love how God and life lead you to things right when you need them.  I hope reading this post will create a similar experience for someone else.  No matter what kind of journey you are on, YOU CAN DO THIS!  It might not be easy (it might feel like it has reduced you to pieces as times), but if you keep your head up and keep pushing thorough it you will start to see the stars shine through.  That doesn't always mean that you will get the results you want, in the timeframe you want, but you will learn that you can depend on yourself and your own strength.  That alone will prove to be extremely valuable as you travel forward, deeper into life.  Read this poem through...then read it again...and again.  Really think about it, and make it your own.  Allow it to signify specific pieces of your puzzle.  Give yourself credit for how far you have come.  Finally, gain the strength, hope, and inspiration to propel you forward.

The Journey
By: Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.

*Mary Oliver is an AMAZING poet!  I will be sharing more of her treasures down the road.  In the meantime, please take the time to lose yourself in more of her beautiful work: http://famouspoetsandpoems.com/poets/mary_oliver/poems