Friday, May 18, 2012

Long Time, No Posts

Well...good thing I had written in my disclaimer that this might just be a fling for me...no promises!  Hahaha!  I guess I know myself too well.  The truth is this...  During the week of Lent I had all of these inspiring ideas that would coincide with some of the messages that go with Lent.  When I got to Good Friday the subject was staring me in the face "Suffering."  I had a few ideas written down, but every time I started to write...delete, delete, delete...  The plan was to be super inspiring and encouraging on the topic of suffering, how it can actually be a positive thing, but when it came down to it I just couldn't do it.  The fact of the matter is that most people don't want to hear it either.  I find that most people suffer in life, somehow, in some way, at some point or even frequently.  I don't really understand why, but I don't think we are meant to, not in this life.  That is just how life on earth is.  We have challenges, and going through them (whether we like it or not) can either knock us down or build us up.  That part is really up to us.  One gift I have received through my trials is that I have realized the power of my own mind.  I might not be able to change whatever difficult thing is plaguing me, but I can decide to look at it differently, think about it differently.  It really does make a difference, and it is empowering.

Another reason for my flat-lined blog is that I am just plain tired.  Tired of trying to juggle too much and keep too many balls in the air.  When I look at it, I don't really accomplish all that much in a day, but sometimes just the basics wear me out.  There are also a lot of blank spaces in my symptoms log, my medicine log, etc...  I am just over thinking about "it" sometimes.  (I am happy to report that I have kept up with my Gratitude Journal!)  I took the time I would have been blogging and instead used our new sauna (great for healing), or did a relaxation exercise, or walked on the treadmill...or just went to bed.  I prioritized what was most important for me.  Most of the time I am not even good at doing that.  I get to the end of many days and still haven't done the minimum of what my "healing team" has suggested.  It is a full-time job.  When I was blogging more regularly (though a brief period of time) it was keeping me up a lot later, and I ended up putting too much pressure on myself.  It went from something fun, with just stream-of-consciousness (easy) writing, to me telling myself that I had to fill it with all sorts of info and "important" stuff from various sources, etc.  I basically ruined it for myself...turning it into something it didn't have to be.  Funny how we can do that to ourselves.  There is that perspective thing again, it needed to shift!

Well, at least I am consistent at being inconsistent!  Story of my life!  I have decided to embrace it instead of beating myself up for it.  It is who I am...I am sure there are all sorts of underlying reasons for it...  I could give all sorts of excuses, but really all I can do is work on it bit by bit, day by day.  Here I am a year after my health took a serious nosedive, and I have proven that I can work hard and make changes.  I am leaps and bounds from where I was a year ago.  I am proud to say a lot of it was through my own motivation and research.  When no doctor would help me I dug deep and found a way.  I can't take all the credit...I believe (being a Christian) that God lit the way for me.  However, the message at church last night was that Christ can knock at your door, but it is up to YOU if you are going to let Him in or not.  It is like that with anything in life, IT IS UP TO YOU!  The thread that runs through this round-about-post is that YOU can do it, or you can chose not to do it.  You have more power than you even know.  Just take it one day, even one moment at a time.  When I "mess up" I know that I can decide to turn it around in that moment.  All is not lost.

Sooooo...again, no promises with all of this.  I will do what I can, when I can.  My husband and I were laughing tonight about all of my "on Fridays I will be writing about X, on Saturdays Y, etc..."  Hahaha!  Oh well!  It was a good idea...maybe at some point.  Just know that I appreciate anyone who has taken the time to read my words!  It means a lot!

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