Ok, so when I started this blog I wasn't sure how much, if at all, I was going to talk about Lyme Disease. Tonight I had an experience of being somewhat prompted to share a little more. From the moment I had an official diagnosis you would not even believe (I am not exaggerating) the number of people I have encountered who either have it themselves, or someone close to them has it. First of all, I have a handful of cousins with it, my sister-in-law has it, I believe my brother has/had it (his dog has it)...I also think my Dad has it (he has even had the bullseye, but doctors would not treat him), and it is possible that other family members have it. I have talked to people in my hometown in Vermont with it, our carpenter - his wife has it, our flooring guy - his mother has it, our vent cleaner - his girlfriend has it, our tile guy - his mother has it, my dentist - his sister-in-law has it, my husband's friend, my herbalist and his wife, and the list goes on. I literally talk to people almost daily who tell me they know someone, or many people who have suffered, or are currently suffering, from Lyme Disease. My parents are constantly calling with another person they met and talked with about it.
For whatever reason (I won't get into speculation) it is an underground illness. Many go for extended periods of time not knowing what is wrong, doctors think they are crazy, yada, yada...we all have similar stories. Most are left to advocate for themselves...hopefully finding one of the few doctors who understand and treat this "phantom," debilitating disease. The doctors who do treat it say that Lyme patients are some of the sickest people out there, and they are the ones with the least help. Most of these doctors also do not take insurance because of the liability of treating such a controversial illness.
Tonight I headed off to a church group I had not been to before. It was a small group, and being the last person to arrive I sat down in the only empty chair at the intimate, oblong table. The woman to my right was struggling to get a name tag for me, and I immediately noticed her arthritic, knobby hands. The group discussion took off, and it was clear that most of these people knew each other and felt comfortable speaking whatever came to mind. I listened and thought if the floor opened up I was happy to speak my opinion or thoughts, but there was no lull in the flow of conversation. The topic was prayer, and there was a booklet and Bible passages that went along with it. Toward the end of the evening one of the final questions was around a time that you put a struggle or difficulty in front of God and just completely gave it over to Him...trusting His will to be done. SILENCE. No one said anything. I looked around. Nothing. Then it just came out, "I will share." I just explained that I have been very sick over the last year, and that at some point in the last month or two I grew tired... Tired of struggling, trying so hard to find answers, to get better...tired of this illness/awful thing consuming my every day, most of my thoughts. One day I just said, "God, I am tired. I can't carry this anymore. I am giving it to You, for Your will to be done." I basically just asked for the strength to keep going, to get through it. I had spent so much time begging for relief, for a miracle...little by little things have improved, but when I let it go, handed it over, things really shifted for me. It was like a weight was lifted. Don't get me wrong, I still worry and sometimes revert back to the way I was handling things before, but something has fundamentally changed for me. It doesn't mean my symptoms are gone, or I am healed, but I am having a different experience with it.
Anyway...everyone was so kind in thanking me for sharing so openly. For some reason it just came so naturally and was so easy. That is not who I have always been, but it is definitely who I have become. At the end of the night as we were packing up our things the woman to my right turned to me with the most heartfelt appreciation for what I had said. She told me that she has been struggling with the same exact feelings around her illnesses - Rheumatoid Arthritis and Lupus. I talked to her and probed about her symptoms, her treatment. She said that doctors and medicine haven't really been able to help her. She looked so defeated, so exhausted, so skinny and sick. I told her about Lyme, and she has felt that could be at the root of her problems, but her doctors refuse to test her for it saying the usual, "there is no such thing as Chronic Lyme." She has presented them with symptoms and been told, "We have never heard of such symptoms, that's not possible." She was starting to believe them! I looked her in the eye and said, "Don't ever let a doctor tell YOU how you are feeling." I gave her as much information as I could at that point, and I said, "I am going to help you." I gave her my phone number and e-mail address and told her to contact me anytime. I saw hope spark in her eyes, and the most beautiful, radiant smile. She hugged me and told me I was a God-send. My heart and soul were filled with joy.
My point is this: we all have a story. Your gift to the world is to share it. We all have common threads, and when brought together they create hope and love. We are so conditioned to hold our cards close to our chest, but we need to realize that there is nothing to hide, nothing to be embarrassed about. There are MANY out there with the same exact story as yours. When we share we all feel more human, more alive, more hopeful. I have been so touched by the number of people who have reached out to me in the last year to tell me what they have been through and offer support. It has been a real lifeline for me. Now it is my turn to be that lifeline for someone else. Put yourself out there. It will benefit you and the world!
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